The Xhaka Paradox

Paradox – a situation, person, or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities

Xhaka, Just who is this individual who has suited up for the Gunners for the past 4 years? Who is this individual manning our midfield but also being non-existent at the same time? The only word in my mind to describe him as is “paradox”. How did this Swiss international slip through the cracks of one of the most famous and elite clubs in Premier League history? Not only did he slip through the cracks, he also captained this club for 2 seasons. But just who is he? Let’s take a quick look at his statistical background.

On May . 25. 2016 Arsenal signed the Swiss Midfielder for a fee of £35 million from the Bundesliga squad Borussia Monchengladbach. During his 4 year tenure at Borussia , you would think he was a stud in the Bundesliga. A quick look at his stats show otherwise. During 108 games with the squad he tallied 6 goals , 3 assists, and a whopping 43 cards. 43 cards! How is this possible you might ask? Well he is very slow paced so he ends up fouling once a player gets by him , it’s quite simple. Or he simply can’t defend if his life depended on it. “But hey he’s not a CDM , so why should he defend”? A deluded fan might ask. So if he’s not a CDM then he is a CM which means he should be able to create. How is 3 assists in 108 games creating. Isn’t it a Central Midfielders job to create for your teammates? Also with 43 cards that makes you a liability for your team. How did a midfielder with 3 assists and 43 cards show up on Arsenals radar? What’s even more shocking is his Arsenal stats.

Ironically Xhaka has tallied 43 cards in 130 EPL matches as well. The most recent one enacting an Undertaker Choke on Burnley player Ashley Westwood, oh what a tough guy he is ! Now back on to his Arsenal stats, Xhaka has totaled 8 goals, and a measly 13 assists in 130 EPL matches. Let’s compare that to Ozil’s 45 assists in 126 matches in the EPL . So a midfielder that can’t pass, doesn’t shoot, has no vision, can’t defend but was once dubbed a “Young Schweinsteiger”? This makes him a walking paradox, Managers see qualities in him that us fans and stats can’t see. Well hey there’s one thing I must say he is amazing at , which is his short back passes that accounts for his spectacular 93% passing rating . Credit where it’s due.

All in all I’m starting to think Xhaka’s father or mother is a Swiss Banker that gives Arsenal premium rates. This is the only explanation for how he has maintained a starting job and Captaincy.


  1. jon jones says:

    ha Xhaka out

    Liked by 1 person

  2. goon3rtown says:

    Shocking! Always knew this man was a fraud!

    Liked by 1 person

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